


Everyone I Was and Everyone I Will Be

by BleedxLikexMe



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Assasins, Brainwashing, Breeding Programs, Darcy-centric, F/M, Gen, Red Room, The Red Room, standard (non-graphic) Red Room stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2013-11-23
Packaged: 2018-01-02 10:23:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1055658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BleedxLikexMe/pseuds/BleedxLikexMe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They call her Natka. They say it's her mother's favorite cover. They call her Stoya, chuckling because it's so close to 'Steve'. She doesn't remever them. All she knows is that she has her fathers hair, her mothers skin, and her own dripping ledger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everyone I Was and Everyone I Will Be

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all,
> 
> I have had a very bad day and it's three am so I decided to write this. It's not beta read, so tell me if you see any mistakes, please.
> 
> Enjoy. :)
> 
> -Ashley

They call her Natka. They say it is her mothers favorite cover. They call her Stoya, chuckling because it's so similar to 'Steve'. She doesn't remember much of them. All she knows is that she has her fathers hair, her mother's skin, and her own dripping ledger.

She is Katya when she makes the big bad wolf sleep for the first time. She is Katya and she is four and she doesn't cry. She goes home to mama and papa and tells them that Little Red did very good. They feed her sweets and clean her mind and she rests.

She is Dasha and she is ten and she is a killer. She knows this now. It's okay, because she only kills the bad people. The people that would hurt her Motherland and take her away. So she trains and kills and at eleven she goes through The Process for the first time.

It hurts, it hurts so much. But she does not cry. She is a big girl. A woman. The Soldiers daughter. She will do her country proud. The Process takes a long time and she is thirteen before it's completely done. By then, she is put back in the field.

She has killed over a hundred big bad wolves and she will kill a hundred more to make her papa proud.

Stoya is put in the breeding program and she does this proudly. She will make as many warriors as she can. This war requires more bodies than they can recruit. She thinks she was recruited. Or maybe she was made here, like she's going to make someone. Many someones.

Sophia has four healthy, strong, and resilent children before she is given a very special child to birth. She rubs her belly and eats the extra extra food they give her because this one needs more. They call it a super soldier and Sophia smiles, petting her swollen belly, cooing over the glorious title.

Her father comes for her when she is six and a half months along. He looks pained and run down, and Bela reaches out to him. The Soldier grabs her hand and suddenly they're running. They leave home, what papa called the 'Red Room', and go far away. They make it to England and papa does something, something that makes Bela's mind shatter into a thousand tiny pieces before putting itself back together again.

She is no one, but she is everyone from before as well. Papa stares at her and she blinks, "Was it wrong?" She asks and he nods, handing her a file and a few bags of clothes. There is money and passports and doctors that she can trust and she is thirty-three but looks eighteen and she is Darcy now. Darcy Lewis and she is American.

Papa sends her to Culver and Darcy births a beautiful baby boy. She names him a thousand names and when he is three days old she only calls him by one.

Yasha.

Darcy hits the God of thunder with her boss's van and then tases him. She saw it all happening and made it look like an accident. A man fell from the sky and then for up to shout about his missing hammer. Of course she would try to quickly and quietly remove him from the situation. Darcy likes Jane, she does. But she would leave with Yasha in a heartbeat if she needed to.

She doesn't leave.

Apparently papa's ID holds up against SHIELD standards. Which is nice to know. Darcy doesn't out nearly as much thought into making Donald Blake. This will fail, and if it doesnt- something is wrong.

Something is definitely wrong.

Darcy packs their bags three times before the events with The Destroyer happen. She should have taken Yasha far, far away from New Mexico, but for some reason she stayed. Darcy makes American quips and complains about her iPod and helps Jane, all the while never letting Yasha out of her sight.

He's a big boy now, not a man, but almost two. He pretends to only know Russian because he likes Jane's confused face. Darcy indulges him. It only seems right. SHIELD has taken over the lab and Yasha doesn't like new people, so he is withdrawn. Darcy will do anything to make him happy and bubbly again.

He doesn't need to be a warrior. He is her son and she will be his everything for as long as he needs her to. Her other children are dead. Yasha is the only one left and if she gas any say about it, he will live to a ripe old age, full of happiness and with a big family surroufing him.

But, for now, she will take him to Norway at the request of Jane, via Agent Coulson and she will come back to an America forever changed.

Darcy, Yasha, and Jane end up at Stark Tower. Darcy and Yasha have their own apartment and it's beautiful. She's getting paid more than she had expected to be, especially considering she is only a 'Scientist Wrangler'. But she does her job and raises her son and she keeps him away from The Widow.

Darcy's mother isn't exactly who she ever wants to see, even if Natalia wont recognize her. Last time they were together Katya had killed for the first time and Natalia fed her sweet vanilla cake with blue vanilla frosting as a reward.

JARVIS is Darcy's best friend. He hides her from Natalia and speaks many languages with Yasha. Darcy teaches her son to thank JARVIS and to hug him goodnight before bed each night. When Darcy gets home late one night, she finds Yasha curled up in the corner, where one wall meets the next, asleep. He was wrapped up in a blanket, his head lolled against the wall, and a pleased smile on his face.

Darcy gently picks him up and places her hand against the wall, "Hope he wasn't a bother, Jay." She says, because she likes JARVIS. He is her favorite and Yasha loves him, too. She doesn't want to accidentally overstep their boundaries.

"Not at all, Miss Lewis." JARVIS whispers, but it's too late. Yasha is awake and someone is behind her.

Darcy turns and sees Tony Stark staring at them, confusion written on his face. Yasha explains for her, his tone sleepy, "Cuddlin' Jarvis, mama. YA lyublyu yego."

Darcy smiles and kisses his blond head as he shuts his blue eyes, "It's a tradition we have. Every night we say goodnight to Jarvis and give him a hug. Since he doesn't have a body, we hug the walls." Darcy shrugs, because of all people, she figures Tony will get it.

His smile is sarcastic, even though Darcy knows he is secretly pleased, "Huggin' walls, Lewis? What other hippie crap will you teach him next?" He barks a laugh and scurries away and Darcy shakes her head, taking her son to his bed for some real sleep.

A while later, Yasha wants to be a princess, so she helps him dress in his pretty yellow gown from Disney's Beauty and the Beast and puts red lip gloss on his lips and dances with him on her way to the labs. Yasha had wanted to show Jane his dress and Darcy couldn't deny him anything.

They bump into Captain America when they get there. He eyes them both shrewdly, confused and a bit angry, "Your son is wearing a dress." He notes, oh so eloquently. Jane looks up them a grins brightly. Darcy sets Yasha down so he can go show off for her while she and the Captain have a talk.

They end up in the common room and Darcy finally answers his not-question, "Yes. My son is wearing a princess dress."

Steve is more confused than angry now, "Why?"

Darcy simply shrugs, "Because he likes it. It's the same as me wearing slacks or you wearing a fedora."

"Fedoras were made for men, though." Steve insists.

Darcy heaves a sigh, "Wrong. They were made as the top hat for women." She eyes the soldier, who is only a decade or so older than her, daring him to object to her son feeling pretty.

Wisely, he backs off.

Darcy turns to see Natalia nodding approvingly, at her. 

Huh. Maybe her mother isn't so bad.

Months pass, for the most part, smoothly. But, as they say, all good things must come to an end. Her father tries to kill Fury. He shoots a sticky grenade to attach to the undercarriage of the Directors SUV, causing it to explode.

Darcy becomes Stoya to help and gets hurt. Her face is damaged, one long gash from forehead to chin. Her eyes are both perfectly fine, but not even her super healing will rid her of the scar. Stoya is fine with that and keeps fighting. Eventually, Stoya, Natalia, and Captain America bring her father in and deprogram him. When he sees Stoya for the first time he cries and he clings to her, sobbing his apologies. She is Darcy when she cradles him and tells him it's okay.

She is detained by SHIELD for three weeks for questioning. Natal- Natasha makes the connection quickly, almost immediately upon discovering their Red Room link. She sits in the chair opposite to Darcy and hums once, "Daughter."

Darcy only nods.

Natasha goes on, "Father." She points to a picture of The Soldier. Darcy nods again. This time, she pulls out two pictures, one of Yasha and one of Captain America. She taps one, then the other and says, "Father-son." And it is a question, just not phrased like one.

Darcy nods and something behind the one-way mirror breaks.

Steve stalks away.

Later, when Darcy is released (around the same time her papa is) she goes to meet Steve. It's time they talked, "So you were in the Red Room with Natasha and Bucky?"

"Yes." Her answer is simple, only because his questions, so far, are too.

"And they're your parents?"

Again, she confirms.

"Yasha... he's... mine?"

This time, Katya shakes her head, "No." She insists, "He is mine. You did not accept him wholly before, when he was just some kid, why would you now?"

"Because he's my son!" Steve nearly shouts.

"He may be biologically yours, but that does not make him your son. You'll have to prove you can be a good father before he is told of your connection to him." Katya says coldly, "If you can't, I will take him and run. You will never see him again."

Steve can only agree. He really has no other choice. Katya is Darcy again, and Darcy leaves the room to take Yasha out for a run around at the park.

It takes a while, but Steve proves himself to be a good father. Possibly even great, but nobody Darcy has ever been trusts that that can be so. Yasha stops speaking English when he finds out and Steve teaches himself Russian, German, and Greek just to talk to the boy.

Darcy and... Bucky, she supposes that's his name now, spend quite a bit of time together. They have a deeper bond than she and Natasha, which is just fine for them. They're happy how they are. Bucky talks about what he remembers of the Red Room and Darcy fills in the blanks for him where she can.

It's not perfect, nowhere near it, but Darcy loves it all the same.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, please tell me if there are any mistakes. Also, Yasha's little blurb of Russian means (according to Google translate, so grain of salt and all that) "I love him."
> 
> Aaaaalllsooo, I know it's written very strangely but my brain wouldn't work like I wanted it to. I hope you enjoy it regardless


End file.
